Friday, January 31, 2020

Leaving the EU

Well, Brexit is continuing. I wonder what will happen in the future.

Wednesday, March 06, 2019

An update

Despite all the political and economic turmoil, I feel OK. Yes, there are things to worry about or plan for but, within myself, I am OK.

I spend a lot of time doing technical studying and, thanks to some generous book presents from family, will be refurbishing my low-level skills.

Here is a list of the old and the new that I hope to replace it with...

680x0, 80x86 assembly language -> x86_64 assembly language
QMON -> GNU gdb and ddd
GST macro assembler -> GNU assembler or NASM
C68 -> GNU C
Sinclair QL running Qdos -> Standard hardware running Ubuntu Linux
Qjump Pointer Environment -> GTK+

I will be studying the manuals for various tools (such as GNU Make and GNU gdb), will be using other technical books but it looks like Igor Zhirkov's book "Low-Level Programming" will be key in integrating the different tools to do something useful. For C programming there are the usual suspects plus Klemen's 21st Century C and Krause's GTK+ Development.

Monday, November 26, 2018


Imagine if your memory played tricks on you. That some events in the past you suddenly remember happening. And then that people in the present are conspiring against you. And only you are fully aware of what is going on. That is psychosis - at least my experience of it.

Then imagine you can remember not remembering those events. That you have a diagnosis of Paranoid Schizophrenia. And that there is a very real possibility that reality and you have parted company. That is what it is like when you have some idea that you've gone through a bad spell.

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

As anyone who knows me knows, I am dead set against Brexit. Because of this, I want a "People's Vote" on the final deal.

On the other hand, whilst life isn't perfect, I am getting help with my schizophrenia and, all things considered, life goes on.

Saturday, July 21, 2018

The Curse of the Brown Envelope

Anyone on disability benefits will tell you that getting a letter from the DWP can be quite a stressful experience.

I had a letter this time last week from the DWP about ESA. I utterly panicked. Fortunately my CPN was able to have a chat with me, this week. Apparently most relapses these days are linked to benefits issues.

My brain went into crisis mode. The "good voices" were guiding me and pushing the "bad voices" out of my head.

After speaking to Welfare Rights and having a follow-up call from the DWP, I am not panicking any more.

Saturday, May 19, 2018


For years now, I have been studying technical books in Contact.

It was only about half a year ago that I got back into reading fiction at home.

Bibliotherapy is the practise of reading to preserve or improve mental health. There is a 20 minute BBC talk about it here.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

A video you might find useful.

I've watched this video twice. As someone with Schizophrenia, I think it is a pretty accurate account.…

Of all the symptoms - "difficulty concentrating" - is the one thing I've been able to have some success with. One indicator that supports that is my review of the "Effective Ruby" Live Lessons video files in this month's CVu magazine. It took a lot of time and effort.

When you mix three of the symptoms together - difficulty remembering, paranoia and delusions - you have a potent mixture that can make day to day living a struggle - you are never quite sure what other people have said to you - did you imagine that someone is annoyed with you? - are they plotting something? - there must be a conspiracy against me. And you start to question your own behaviour as well. You then start remembering conversations that probably didn't happen, making things even worse. And eventually you realise your doubts are unfounded and just carry on.