I am constantly tired, due to medication. Today I slept in till 10am so I was late for work. Its a good job that I am doing voluntary work. It makes it so much harder to read YCDI!, a C++ tutorial.

Some friends from Contact are coming round for Pizza tonight - JT, LS, LX and EX (with her daughter because it is so hard to get a baby sitter). It should be ok. Not looking forward to Saturday because its one of my empty days.

The days are ticking away before my house gets turned upside down to install central heating.

I was confirmed yesterday at Mitford. It was good. I think the vicar (David) made the preparatory work simpler for me because of my medicine making me rather tired and dopey. Other people have classes whereas I had informal chats and the task of finding a favourite hymn and a favourite bible quotation, I chose Mark 1 "I will send my messenger ahead of you who will prepare your way" and "Amazing Grace".

I've got to pancake this baby - that is what I kept on telling the Birmingham psychiatric emergency team back in the 90's. Actually I'm not a cannibal, I used to be an aviation geek. At one stage I wanted to fly Sea Harriers for the Royal Navy but I got side tracked into computers. To "pancake" an air craft is to crash land it. So now you know

Clozapine is like a spy satellite - when it is overhead (fully working on my body), my intellect and consciousness hide, leaving me much like a vegetable.

I counteract this by having checklists of thing to do and by waiting for the satellite to go away (and can continue reading things like the classic book I am struggling to review, You Can Do It, by Francis Glassborow. I'm having to work on exercises as I review the book and I have to borrow time on a friends computer because YCDI is Windows based and my house is a Linux  Linux only zone.

I find that 7 hours after I've taken some Clozapine, I can shrug off the daze that descends on me and start thinking properly. Who knows, one day I might be able to think in C++ again, something I haven't done since 2001.

I think I have the right balance. Using Windows at work because that is what people expect to use. And use Linux at home because it is so nice, if a little awkward to set up at times.

I am *so* nearly a vegetarian. When all the meat in my kitchen is used up, I will have a meat free kitchen and diet.

Contact in Morpeth is expanding. I think it would be a good idea if Contact was open on a Saturday because most services stop at the weekend.

Been for a walk with the AOT walking group on Wednesday, walked around a lake and had a soft drink afterwards.

Last Saturday I raised £25 for Contact, shaking a little tin and smiling at people.

It was J's birthday on Wednesday, 21 again.

I think I'll be better when I get discharged from hospital because my social contacts are more robust.

This week I've been mainly eating Clozapine :) In truth, it is a worthwhile medication. While I was on Olanzapine, the meds trashed my concentration. When I moved to Amisulpride, my concentration was still poor. Then I switched, with many misgivings, to Clozapine. I've been on the Clozapine for a while now. When I first started, I had to have my blood tested once a week. Now the initial screening process has finished, I now only get my blood tested once a fortnight. The meds still trash my concentration but, during the day, I get a window of opportunity where I can still have normal concentration.

I've been playing around with my PC (Patience), and started experimenting with the KDE's CD/DVD burning tool k3b. So far everything is ok although I haven't tried to master a CD/DVD, I'v just backed up disks to prove that it works.

I've decided to change my central heating. Its on its last legs. I didn't realise how much hassle its going to be. I've got to move my bookcases so the radiators can be installed, I need to get my bathroom tiled ready for the shower to be fitted.

This week, the Assertive Outreach Team Walking Group went to a pub for a meal at the Dyke Neuk. The food was o.k. and it made for a nice change of pace.

I've been socialising with people from Contact in Morpeth. I've dropped in on Tuesday lunch times and Friday nights. We go for a drink afterwards, generally relaxing.

I've been spending more time in Bedlington, with a view to being discharged in July. We'll see how it goes.

Saturday 3rd July. I got soaked travelling back to the Hospital. First of all. It was raining. That was bad enough. Then a part of the pavement lurched downward, soaking my left foot. Then a car sped through a roadside puddle, soaking my bag and right hand side. When I got back to the hospital I had a nice hot bath and changed into dry, clean clothes.

I was going to go to Edinburgh with a friend from the hospital but he wandered off somewhere else so I decided to go on my own. After all, I wanted to exchange my t-shirts for some shirts of the right size. I got a train to Edinburgh, changing at Newcastle – this meant the trip cost me the best part of £40 – I wasn’t impressed with that – poor service and high prices! We got into Edinburgh about 1pm – I had brought some food and drink with me to east on the train.

When I got to Edinburgh, it was raining as usual. I made my way out of Waverley station, turning left on the bridge and then across the road, up the street to “Who’s Who” (their sign is obscured with scaffolding). They exchanged the t-shirts with no complaint. I had a look if there were more t-shirts that I liked but there wasn’t any more.

After that I went walking, nipping into the cheap book shops and Waterstones. I bought a Renee Mackintosh "Scotland" t-shirt and some history books – got some at Waterstone’s (3 for 2). I could have spent more but I didn’t. During all this shopping, it started raining so I put my yellow plastic poncho on (with “Scotland” printed all over it in blue) but my le,gs still got soaked. I took the 4pm train back, via Newcastle and I arrived back in Morpeth just after 6pm

All in all it was a successful visit, albeit one I won’t be repeating for some time.

Sunday 4rd JulyI was picked up at 9:50 am by a friend (let’s call him “Bob”) from the Alpha course gave me a lift from Morpeth to Mitford. We had the usual service there. And then we reconvened to the nearby river where the Rector waded into the river and baptised a member of the congregation. It was a very special moment.