Well, the whole country is in lockdown, nearly everywhere is shut and Contact is closed as well (for the moment).

Been taking the time to do technical stuff. Finished a couple of C++ book reviews. Upgraded an old computer's memory (that took a lot of effort). The voices came back for a while - sometimes helpful, giving me technical advice, sometimes paranoid.

And my right heel has started to play up, making walking a bit painful.

Leaving the EU

Well, Brexit is continuing. I wonder what will happen in the future.

An update

Despite all the political and economic turmoil, I feel OK. Yes, there are things to worry about or plan for but, within myself, I am OK.

I spend a lot of time doing technical studying and, thanks to some generous book presents from family, will be refurbishing my low-level skills.

Here is a list of the old and the new that I hope to replace it with...

680x0, 80x86 assembly language -> x86_64 assembly language
QMON -> GNU gdb and ddd
GST macro assembler -> GNU assembler or NASM
C68 -> GNU C
Sinclair QL running Qdos -> Standard hardware running Ubuntu Linux
Qjump Pointer Environment -> GTK+

I will be studying the manuals for various tools (such as GNU Make and GNU gdb), will be using other technical books but it looks like Igor Zhirkov's book "Low-Level Programming" will be key in integrating the different tools to do something useful. For C programming there are the usual suspects plus Klemen's 21st Century C and Krause's GTK+ Development.

Awareness.

Imagine if your memory played tricks on you. That some events in the past you suddenly remember happening. And then that people in the present are conspiring against you. And only you are fully aware of what is going on. That is psychosis - at least my experience of it.

Then imagine you can remember not remembering those events. That you have a diagnosis of Paranoid Schizophrenia. And that there is a very real possibility that reality and you have parted company. That is what it is like when you have some idea that you've gone through a bad spell.

As anyone who knows me knows, I am dead set against Brexit. Because of this, I want a "People's Vote" on the final deal.

On the other hand, whilst life isn't perfect, I am getting help with my schizophrenia and, all things considered, life goes on.

The Curse of the Brown Envelope

Anyone on disability benefits will tell you that getting a letter from the DWP can be quite a stressful experience.

I had a letter this time last week from the DWP about ESA. I utterly panicked. Fortunately my CPN was able to have a chat with me, this week. Apparently most relapses these days are linked to benefits issues.

My brain went into crisis mode. The "good voices" were guiding me and pushing the "bad voices" out of my head.

After speaking to Welfare Rights and having a follow-up call from the DWP, I am not panicking any more.

Bibliotherapy

For years now, I have been studying technical books in Contact.

It was only about half a year ago that I got back into reading fiction at home.

Bibliotherapy is the practise of reading to preserve or improve mental health. There is a 20 minute BBC talk about it here.

A video you might find useful.

I've watched this video twice. As someone with Schizophrenia, I think it is a pretty accurate account.
https://www.rethink.org/get-involved/rethink-schizophrenia…

Of all the symptoms - "difficulty concentrating" - is the one thing I've been able to have some success with. One indicator that supports that is my review of the "Effective Ruby" Live Lessons video files in this month's CVu magazine. It took a lot of time and effort.

When you mix three of the symptoms together - difficulty remembering, paranoia and delusions - you have a potent mixture that can make day to day living a struggle - you are never quite sure what other people have said to you - did you imagine that someone is annoyed with you? - are they plotting something? - there must be a conspiracy against me. And you start to question your own behaviour as well. You then start remembering conversations that probably didn't happen, making things even worse. And eventually you realise your doubts are unfounded and just carry on.

A day in the life of a Womble - August 2017

Sometime back, Jean's computer failed. The Computer Wombling Project had recently been given a tower PC so that was tested, the hard drive wiped and lubuntu Linux installed and passed on to Jean.

Spent a good amount of time last night and today trying to prod Jean's old computer to work - resorted to scavenging parts today.

I have a device, which I call the "Octopus" - actually a "USB 2.0 to SATA/IDE adapter with power adapter" which I used to connect the scavenged hard drive and DVD writer. I gave the hard drive a new partition table and formatted the hard drive (ext4, of course).

The computer doing the formatting etc is a Dell Latitude CPx J650GT laptop. It is a 2003 era device (used sudo dmidecode for that info) and I use it to check devices I am not completely sure of. Waste not, want not and all that. Hostname is verne, user name is jules - so the command prompt reads "jules@verne".

I used GPartED on the scavenged laptop to create the new partition table and partition and as a result the new partition was owned by "root". I tried using sudo chmod and sudo chown and sudo chgrp. Eventually, after a certain amount of time, the laptop grudgingly agreed that a non-root user could write to the drive.

Monday night at St George's

Was at St George's on Monday evening. As I walked in I noticed a number (about 7) Police vehicles, with Police staff sorting out their clothing. Asked what was happening and they said they were sorting out their clothes. So I went into reception and started reading "The Ruby Programming Language" as usual. Later on I looked up and a group of Police in riot gear - stab vests and transparent shields - Roman style (rectangular) and Pict style (Round) flanked by Police with yellow hi-vis jackets on. They headed off to one of the wards so I resumed reading. After a few hours the Police vehicles disappeared so I presume it finished OK.

Political satire and disability.

I was watching last night's "The Last Leg".

I was wondering, what would be the right name for a similar programme that has people with mental health problems as presenters?

* The Last Neuron?
* The Last Synapse?
* The Last Med?

Employment

Many companies ask for people with vision. They are not too keen on taking on people who have visions.

If people want to experience what it is like to work whilst experiencing a mental illness, I suggest they take medicine with unfortunate side-effects - e.g. increased appetite - I once ate a cauliflower cheese meal in a hospital - despite hating cauliflower. And a sedative. Try getting in to work by 9am every weekday on public transport (because you can't take the meds and drive a car) and under the influence of said medication.

I.T. common sense

Hope you haven't been too put out by the WanaCry ransomware attack.

As ever, the cheapest ways to do this is:-
* Ensure staff are trained well. Especially the non-technical staff.
* Ensure all computers have their software regularly updated with maintenance/security updates (aka patches).

The term "patch" comes from the Open Source community on the Internet.

Software written as scripts (Basic, Ruby, Perl, Python etc) are provided in source code form and require another programme, an interpreter to run them. Here is an example programme in Ruby:-

#!/usr/bin/env ruby
require 'Qt'

# For info on using Qt from Ruby programs, see my file qt-notes.txt

app = Qt::Application.new(ARGV)

hello = Qt::PushButton.new('Hello World!')
hello.resize(100, 30)
hello.show

app.exec

So... if someone wanted to improve the above programme, they would edit the above programme on their system. They would then put the original script and the updated script through a programme called diff, that lists the changes that have been supplied. Then the original author can take those patches and make the changes by running the original script and changed script through a programme called patch. Hence the name "patch" :)

Software written in compiled languages (C,C++ etc) can be provided in source code form. Here is an example:-

/*
 Hello Concurrent World example program.
 This text here is part of a multi-line comment
*/


#include <iostream>
#include <thread>

void hello()
{
    std::cout<<"Hello Concurrent World"<<std::endl;
}

int main()
{
    std::thread t(hello);
    t.join();
}

You would run the above software by running it through a compiler, That takes the programme text - and compiles it into binary file(s) suitable for a particular hardware architecture and you run that.

Given the source code, however, someone can improve the software by making changes and again use diff and patch to provide the original author with their proposed changes.

Software would be shared by people on hardware platforms with wildly different architectures and operating systems.

When people talk about "patching" Windows systems they are typically referring to downloading binaries. Someone, somewhere, will have the source code, will have identified and fixed bug(s), compiled it into binary and made it available via Microsoft's Window updates facilities.

D.L.A. ending, P.I.P. being applied for.

Well, the P.I.P. form is almost complete. I would like to thank both the lady from the Citizen's Advice Bureau and Richard Crow for their help. I have been given a covering letter and Care Plan from the Long Term Care Team to accompany the claim - to whom I am deeply grateful.

However, this process is highly stressful. What do I need PIP for? Well, the biggest problem with schizophrenia is that it makes salaried work very difficult.

Whilst working in 1999, I had an episode, my G.P. gave me a sick note with "Mental instability" on it. Within a month I was made redundant. My next job lasted until 2001 whereupon I was again made redundant. This time I had my first admission into a Psychiatric Hospital - about three months in St George's. It is a bit of a quandary, isn't it?

Fortunately I have hit on a compromise - being a part-time volunteer for Contact:-

• I.T Volunteer – tuition, support and acquisition of technical equipment.
• Run a fortnightly “Hearing Voices Group” for people affected by this.
• Act as a proof reader of Contact’s publications – newsletter etc.
• When things are quiet, I improve my skills via books and a laptop running Linux. I am renowned for my intense study and note taking of programming text books. Whilst doing that, I sometimes have a background task – making the cups of tea or coffee or staffing the phones.

Brexit

Britain's advisory referendum was intended to tell Parliament the (voting) public's point of view on this question:-

"Should the United Kingdom remain a member of the European Union?"

As it turns out, there were a lot of lies distributed by both Leave and Remain.

In particular, I saw the now infamous Big Red Bus with this message in huge writing on the Bus:-

"We send the EU £350 million a week lets fund our NHS instead Vote Leave"

As it turns out, the above figure was a lie. I did not trust it and voted Remain.

However, I have discovered a few interesting things about the EU. They have a website about myths about the EU (European Union).

Immigration was cited as a key problem. Did some Googling and found a page about Free Movement of Persons across the EU and found this quote:- "For stays of over three months: the right of residence is subject to certain conditions. EU citizens and their family members — if not working — must have sufficient resources and sickness insurance to ensure that they do not become a burden on the social services of the host Member State during their stay. Union citizens do not need residence permits, although Member States may require them to register with the authorities. Family members of Union citizens who are not nationals of a Member State must apply for a residence permit, valid for the duration of their stay or a five-year period."

So, what next? I am taking every opportunity to oppose Brexit.

I am a Snowflake - 16,141,241 of us voted to Remain. If you are an Exiter, take this statistic as opposition to your stance.

I think the main desire of Exit voters was to vote for change. Both the UK and EU must change. UK voters have endured stagnant wages, the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer and austerity measures.

The Letter

The Dreaded Letter has arrived - my DLA (Disability Living Allowance) is coming to an end and I will have to apply for PIP (Personal Independence Payment).

To Quote Jo Cox

In the light of Trump's coronation and the ongoing Brexit civil war, I'd like to quote Jo Cox, the MP assassinated by an Evil man.

"We Are Far More United Than The Things That Divide Us’

For more information, see this Wikipedia page.

Huffington Post

I've been reading a lot of articles on the Internet today. The Huffington Post has an interesting article here about what might happen about Brexit and Trump next year.

Here is my favourite quote from it:-

The people who see that open societies, being nice to other people, not being racist, not fighting wars, is a better way to live, they generally end up losing these fights. They don’t fight dirty. They are terrible at appealing to the populace. They are less violent, so end up in prisons, camps, and graves. We need to beware not to become divided (see: Labour party), we need to avoid getting lost in arguing through facts and logic, and counter the populist messages of passion and anger with our own similar messages. We need to understand and use social media.

Nice surprise

Well, Ally, a friend in Contact is running a Creative Writing course in Contact on Wednesday's. So I've been attending it. I was asked to provide something as part of a Creative Writing contest. I gave an excerpt from this blog and I came in joint second place - with a £10 book token prize. All I have to do know is decide how to spend it.

Ruminations on schizophrenia

Schizophrenia has positive symptoms (strange name – they include delusions, confused speech and thoughts, all sorts of hallucinations) and negative symptoms (lack of emotion, lethargy). For more details see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizophrenia

Well, schizophrenics eventually stumble across coping strategies – things that can help make life with schizophrenia a bit more bearable. One of my strategies is sleep. However, that tends to eat into the day so just over a week ago I started getting out of bed early. Discovered that you can’t change sleeping habits just by deciding to do so – I decided to bribe myself to get out of bed by promising a cup of tea, porridge and a DVD – but it is an ongoing fight. Discovered that you need to choose your battles wisely – by all means, get up early on some weekdays – but for days where an early rise isn’t quite so important, have a modest lie-in.

Another coping strategies for me is music. I find it helps suppress me from hearing voices and from having “mind’s eye” visions. I have been having a disturbing vision where parts of my body turn completely black, a light blue hexagonal pattern covers those parts and then they disintegrate into nothingness. Is there any wonder why I sleep a lot and listen to music? People with vision are sought after in organisations however, if you tell them you have visions, they are not so keen. Another well known strategy is distraction. So I read computing books and test pre-release versions of lubuntu Linux. It keeps my brain active and healthy.

A letter to the EU president.

Dear President Juncker,

I am a 47 year old British citizen and one of the 48% who voted to Remain.

I also have schizophrenia, am living in the community, and have experienced the dreadful cuts to NHS mental health services over the past few years made by the Conservative government. I have had friends who self harmed and some who are no longer with use. I have a blog, http://schizopanic.blogspot.co.uk/ that I have used to  document my experiences.

Whilst I am unable to hold down a salaried position, I find that if I keep learning things, it helps keep the schizophrenia under control. I attend a drop in centre run by http://contactmorpeth.org.uk/, a charity set up to help people with mental health problems, their carers or relatives. I help out on occasion, doing what is necessary.

I feel that whilst not perfect, the EU is worth saving. I voted for the UK to remain – with the intent to vote for reform. Yes, it is nice having two places for the parliament to meet – Strasbourg and Brussels. But it is hopelessly inefficient and expensive. Surely give the advances made in Information Technology, you could have some people work in Strasbourg and some in Brussels and have the two parliaments linked by some kind of video link?

In the UK, It is hard to get good information about the EU. However, some of the EU’s policies have been unhelpful. It would be helpful if the EU developed a website which could be used by the population of Europe to see what the EU is doing. They should be able to see what is going right. They should be able to see what is going to plan and tell their MEP to vote/lobby for change.

Also, MEP elections get scant coverage in the UK’s news organisations. As a result, we end up with people like Nigel Farage, who’s behaviour in the European Parliament has been both unprofessional, appalling and hypocritical.

The EU Referendum in the UK was a fraud. The “Brexit” camp drove a big red bus around the country with the phrase “We send the EU £350 million a week let’s fund our NHS instead”. This was proven to be a fraudulent claim. Immigration was a factor, as well. A significant portion of our population feels that immigrants are unfairly affecting the job market – driving wages down. Also, the economics theories pursued by our government assume the private sector will invest in new jobs and this just doesn’t happen on the scale needed. We have a concept called “zero-hours contracts” where people have to sign up with an employer and only work if the employer needs the staff. This is a disgrace in modern Europe.

Refugees are a challenge. When they arrive in a country, they need housing, help and feeding. Their children need teaching. Simply greeting refugees into Europe is not good enough. Potentially, new towns will have to be developed to accommodate them, plans made to make this work and given a sensible budget to make things work.

Despite the tempting claims made by Brexit, a full 48% voted to say within the EU. This means that nearly half the people who voted wanted to stay in Europe, despite the flaws in Europe.

I am writing to beg of you and your fellow European counter-parts, please don’t write us off. Please, find a way to let the half of the UK who want to remain EU citizens to do so. We share your beliefs and values and we want to be an active, positive, contributing part of the EU. Give us a life line, an option, anything. Please.

Best wishes,

Ian Bruntlett

We've lost!

Well, how the Remain in the EU vote was lost will be discussed in documentaries for years to come.

Here are some observations from Northumberland...

* Our nationwide media just reported EU activity as a figure of fun or evil dictatorship.

* There is a culture of "Us" vs "Them". A lot of people in the UK regard the EU as a joyless, bumbling elite bureaucracy or as a completely united group of countries "just over the channel". Don't know what the EU think of us but our media has a tendency to quote them as if the EU was a teacher telling a naughty pupil (the UK) how to behave properly.

* The EU wasn't open enough. Given the poor coverage of EU activities, couldn't they (the EU) have an easily understood website about what they were trying to achieve, how things worked out and admitting when they got things wrong?

* However, technology marches on. In particular, I've been using Google to find things out since about 1999 (I think). Google has become better and better at finding things for me. So I used it to find out how the EU was helpful for the North East - their fund (ERDF - European Regional Development Fund) has spent lots of money supporting poorer regions in the EU - and here is some information about their support of England. Warning - various politicians are entertaining but that page is just plain information.

* The EU was too distant. It operated at the level of governments and international bureaucrats. It ignored the concerns of the people. Consider immigration - many people in the UK faced or perceived unequal competition for jobs from immigrants. The people in power called them racists, incompetent etc. No wonder they voted exit.

* The younger part of the population voted to Remain. Part of me feels that eventually the young will have their way and we'll become part of Europe again.

* I voted Remain because I felt that we should be part of the EU and, in particular, we should play a role in reforming the EU.

* To quote Johnny Vegas, "Leaving Europe is like telling your parents you want independence, and then you move into the garage“.

* New word - brexopanic. Where you panic thinking about the consequences of the UK's EU referendum.

* And... people are saying this referendum as an advisory referendum.  Who knows what will happen in the coming months?

Brexit

Last night I went to bed hoping for Bremain.

I felt uncertain about the future. I was wondering how the future would work out for me. Last time I felt like that was when I'd been readmitted into Hospital.

Now it seems that more than 50% of the UK population should be sectioned under the mental health act.

An episode

Some time earlier this year, I started becoming unwell. In fact, I was paranoid about a certain thing so I hid the episode from people. Looking back it was probably a psychotic episode. After coming through the episode with no-one hurt I was ecstatic. Next time I might not be lucky.

Getting in touch

I don't know how to edit the top of this blog.

For the moment, if you need to contact me, don't e-mail schizopanic@hotmail.com, please email IanBruntlett@hotmail.com

A bit more code

And here is the brains behind my stufftar backup (Bash) script...

# perform_backup
# $1 - stub of .tar.gz filename
# $2 - name of log file e.g. "scripts/stufftarlog.txt"
# $3 - directory to do the tarring in
# $4 onwards - files/directories to put in .tar.gz file relative to $3
function perform_backup()
{
  if [ $# -lt 4  ]
  then
    echo "Error perform_backup() insufficient no of parameters";
    return 1;
  fi;

 FILENAME_STUB=$1
 DESTINATION_FILENAME=$1`date "+_%d_%B_%Y.tar.gz"`
 LOGFILE=$2
 TAR_DIR=$3
  if [ $STUFFTAR_VERBOSE -gt 0 ]
  then
    echo $0 $1 $2 $3 $4 $5 $6 $7 $8 $9 ${10} ${11} ${12} ${13} ${14} ${15} ${16} ${17} ${18} ${19} ${20}
    echo DESTINATION_FILENAME=$DESTINATION_FILENAME e.g. Desktop_28_December_2014.tar.gz
    echo FILENAME_STUB=$FILENAME_STUB
    echo LOGFILE=$LOGFILE
    echo TAR_DIR=$TAR_DIR
  fi
  CURRENT_TIME=`date "+%H:%M:%S"`
  cd $TAR_DIR
  echo_and_log $LOGFILE $CURRENT_TIME Backing up key $TAR_DIR $4 $5 $6 $7 $8 $9 ${10} ${11} ${12} ${13} ${14} ${15} ${16} ${17} ${18} ${19} ${20}files to $DESTINATION_FILENAME

  /usr/bin/time -f "%E mins:secs " tar -czf $DESTINATION_FILENAME $4 $5 $6 $7 $8 $9 ${10} ${11} ${12} ${13} ${14} ${15} ${16} ${17} ${18} ${19} ${20}
  exit_if_failed $? "perform_backup to " $DESTINATION_FILENAME
  echo File count:-
  tar -tvf $DESTINATION_FILENAME | wc -l
  ls -lh $DESTINATION_FILENAME
  echo
  cd;
  return 0;
}

A friend asked me today: what is your star sign? After a moment of thought, I replied: "a radio telescope".

Done my first function in bash.

Been doing a lot of Linux system's administration studies recently. Finished reading "Linux Pocket Guide (2e)" from cover to cover for the first time ever.

Am returning to "Learning PHP, MySQL, JavaScript, CSS & HTML5".

In the meantime, here is a function newly written for my stufftar backup shell script...

function echo_and_log()
{
  if [ $STUFFTAR_VERBOSE -gt 0 ]
  then
    echo echo_and_log : parameter count $#, logfile $1, text $2 $3 $4 $5 $6 $7 $8 $9
  fi
  if [ $# -lt 2  ]
  then
    echo "Error echo_and_log insufficient no of parameters";
    return 1;
  fi;
  if [ ! -f $1 ]
  then
    echo WARNING $1 does not exist. Creating it now.
    touch $1
  fi;

  echo  `hostname` $2 $3 $4 $5 $6 $7 $8 $9
  echo  `hostname` $2 $3 $4 $5 $6 $7 $8 $9 >> $1

} # end function echo_and_log

Improved script file "synclamp"

Initially synclamp (described elsewhere) tried to create its destination directory if it did not exist. I decided to check for its existence and exit synclamp with an error message.

Here is the old code:-
echo Ensuring destination directory $FILES_STICK exists
mkdir -p $FILES_STICK

Here is the updated code:
# August 2014. If memory stick not found then exit with error message
 if [ ! -d $FILES_STICK ] ; then
    echo "Please insert missing memory stick $FILES_STICK";
    exit 1;
fi;

Done a little bit of (shell) programming

Here it is...

#!/bin/bash
# Script file to synchronise LAMP files. Ian Bruntlett July 2014
FILES_LAMP=/var/www/html
FILES_STICK=/media/$LOGNAME/DARWIN/lamp/html
FILES_CP_OPTS="-irvua"
echo Running $0
ls -lh $0
echo Ensuring destination directory $FILES_STICK exists
mkdir -p $FILES_STICK
echo Copy files from live LAMP directory to memory stick
cp $FILES_CP_OPTS $FILES_LAMP/* --target-directory=$FILES_STICK
echo Copy files from memory stick to hard disc
cp $FILES_CP_OPTS $FILES_STICK/* --target-directory=$FILES_LAMP
echo $0 done

Business as usual

Had a routine blood test today - just one bottle.

Am trying to lose weight. I might not be eating properly because if I skip breakfast (porridge, skimmed milk and honey) I get dizzy spells. So instead of eating sandwich, salad and toast all the time, I'll also be eating other things - tinned food - that can go in the microwave.

Operating Systems

As most people know, Windows XP and Office 2003, both produced by Microsoft, both used by many people around the world, are no longer supported. This means bugs won't be fixed, support for new types of hardware won't be provided and security problems will go unaddressed. There are a number of options here. One is to buy a new/replacement PC with a new license of Microsoft Office.  Another is to continue using your old hardware and get either Ubuntu or lubuntu Linux installed on your computer, along with a copy of LibreOffice to replace Microsoft Office. Ubuntu Linux and lubuntu Linux are free - all you need is someone to install them. Ubuntu requires better hardware and is more avant garde. lubuntu runs on very modest systems and is more familiar looking for people used to running Windows XP.

I was helping a friend with her Windows 8 laptop. I had a look at it and tried to help but had to return it to her to take to a Windows 8 specialist to fix things and upgrade to Windows 8.1.

Not many people are aware of a problem with people using old Ubuntu Linux systems. This only applies to people running Ubuntu Linux on computers with less than 700MB of RAM (memory). Earlier versions of Ubuntu Linux ran fine on PCs with 512MB of RAM. However, if your PC has less than 700MB of RAM, Ubuntu will try to struggle through and still work. The result has been described as slow and occasionally prone to crashing. My solution to this is to install lubuntu Linux (essential Ubuntu Light) on said systems as it requires 128MB of RAM. Personally I'd go for systems with at least 256MB RAM.

Contact has leaflets about 1) free software and 2) lubuntu.

Paula's cat, Alice, had to be put down. Rest in peace. She is survived by Geraldine.

Cooking

For the first time in over a decade I've cooked some stir-fry. It was lovely :)

Linux Voice

A new Linux magazine has arrived - Linux Voice. Looks very interesting. They are going to re-license their content within 9 months of it being published.

Very nice :)

Been to a Christmas Carol service, thinking of you Dad.

Money saving tip - memory cards etc

I was recently given some memory sticks by a friend (EH) for fixing her laptop (thankyou, EH). So I started looking on Amazon UK for dedicated USB memory stick pouches but all the suitable pouches were £16+. So I had a think. And I remembered I had some spare transparent pencil cases (which I previously used to hold unit cards when I was playing the Babylon 5 : A Call to Arms wargame).

It turns out the cases are cheap and better (you can see what's inside without having to open the case).

To coin a phrase - abandonment anxiety...

... is what people with mental health problems often have regarding their care in the community.

Miniatures

For the first time in years I have started to paint miniatures for RPGs. This time it is the Judge Dredd figures by Mongoose Publishing.

Relaxation

Have taken this weekend off from doing C++ stuff.

Yesterday was all 3 Jurassic Park films.

Been listening to BBC Radio 1's Live Lounge 2013 today.

Luxury :)

When I was a teenage coder, for English Literature I was told to read the classics... so I spent 5 weeks worth of pocket money on "The C Programming Language" by K&R.

Experience is a harsh mistress

This month's lesson is...

Act in haste, repent at leisure.

Reality Poisoning.

Since I was a teenager. I suffered from Reality Poisoning which I escaped by playing Dungeons & Dragons (and, later on, Mongoose Traveller).

I was having a Reality Poisoning spell over the weekend when I realised it was similar to what other people call Depression.

Neurocomic by Dr M. Farinella and Dr H. Ros

This is a graphic novel about the mind and the brain. It's something that I've been studying on Wikipedia for some time.

It's brief and easy to read. It may take concerted effort to remember the key parts - however, I think the effort involved is worth it.

Cinema and Mental Health

I went to see Blue Jasmine recently. It was a good film with a real life kind of ending. Cate Blanchett was excellent as Jasmine. We get to see the side effects of a mental health problem but it's not mentioned in the film's dialogue - but Jasmine does take a lot of pills.

Reasons why Sheldon is not like me.

1. Sheldon plays MMORPGs (World of Warcraft) online. I run a RPG (Traveller) IRL (In Real Life).
2. Sheldon has a Doctorate in Physics. I have a Degree in I.T (Information Technology).
3. Sheldon writes Java applets. I am a C++ programmer migrating from Windows to Linux.
4. Sheldon reads Marvell Comics. I read Sandman graphics novels.
5. Sheldon watches science fiction written by amateurs. I read science fiction written by gifted authors.
6. Sheldon says Bazinga. I say Woot Woot.
7. Sheldon endlessly promotes his high intelligence. I endlessly promote FLOSS (free) software especially Linux.

Reasons why Sheldon is like me.

1. We've both got OCD.
2. We're both highly susceptible to stimulants.

LGBT friendly.

It seems that prejudice against the LGBT people is still all too common. From my own limited experience of hate crime – as a schizophrenic – I have decided to delare myself as LGBT friendly.

Been neglecting my C++ studies doing householder stuff and basic systems administration.

Almost ran out of space on my main memory stick (16GB) so I ordered a 32GB stick from Amazon UK for just over £13. In the late 1980's, a Miracle Systems 40MB hard disc for the Sinclair QL costed £450. According to my calculations, my new memory stick was equivalent to just under 820 Miracle System's hard discs costing nearly £370,000.

Am back on the C++ trail.

Been a bit under the weather recently. Don't know what I would do without music to ward off the voices.

My C++ studies are making progress.

Been helping Richard C, tracking down a problem with his PC, getting a replacement monitor from PC World and setting it all up again. The instruction booklet was in Greek but fortunately there was a big diagram to follow.

R.I.P. Mary

I've just found out that Mary McCulloch, from Libris, has passed away.

Condolences to all she left behind.

Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) occurs when your sub-conscious and consciousness have a row and stop talking to each other.

R.I.P. Dad

Dad passed away a year ago. We all miss him.

spirituality is concerned with the mysteries of the soul.

science is concerned with the mysteries of the cosmos.

Great new book!

My copy of "The C++ Programming Language (4th Edition)" arrived today!

Fantastic!

My brain is a car and I am learning to become a rally driver.

accu-study-tcpppl has gone live! Now waiting for my copy to arrive. In the meantime we're studying some draft chapters.

Once a week, over a number of weeks I've been running a Traveller adventure. The players found themselves on a space liner that crashed out of hyperspace and onto a collision course with the atmosphere of a gas giant. It completed this week and I'm chilling out before getting ready for the next session.

Coping strategies for non-schizophrenics.

1. Do some exercise.
2. Eat fruit and vegetables.
3. Avoid smoking.
4. Drink in moderation.

Don't worry about your non-diagnosis - approximately 99% of people lack schizophrenia.

In the UK press there is some debate about a person with schizophrenia killing someone.

Most schizophrenics aren't dangerous. However, some are and strangely enough it makes it easier to predict when a schizophrenic is about to become dangerous. Here are the key warning signs:-

• Stopping taking medication for a certain amount of time.
• Being overlooked by mental health services or social services.
• Declaring that they are about to become violent.

If you know someone suffering with schizophrenia, try these coping strategies for non-schizophrenics out:-

• See NHS Direct's website.
• Ask your GP for advice.
•  Treat them as you would any other member of society.
• If you know them well enough, ask them how they are coping with their illness.

Here are some coping strategies for dealing with "hearing voices" (auditory hallucinations) that have been collated:-

• Ground self in present. (Look around you carefully to reassure yourself everything is OK).
• Think of consequences of actions. (Especially if you are feeling paronoid and/or aggressive).
• Try reading a newspaper, magazine or book.
• Watch TV, listen to radio or CD or mp3 player.
• If on a bus and you don't feel comfortable, look out of a window or change seats.
• Phone NHS/social services staff that you are in contact with.
• Try breathing slowly and deeply to calm yourself down.
• Remember all the achievements you have accomplished in the past. There will be more to come.
• Use PRN (medication prescribed for use "as and when necessary").

Been to my sister's for my birthday. Got some cheap CDs (3 for £5) from “That's Entertainment” in Eldon Square, just off Northumberland Street. Highly recommended!

Been supporting my key worker. She was running a course at University so I attended two days so her students could ask someone with experience of mental health problems how things are. The students liked it. And I had to get out of bed at an impossibly early hour.

HMV is closing down. I will miss it – need to find a new place to buy new music. Amazon perhaps?

iPod is getting full. Have found that by using RhythmBox to convert CDs into ogg files instead of mp3 files saves about 10% of disc space. The version of RhythmBox I'm running at the moment is a bit cranky – sometimes it fails to get track names from the Internet – and it crashed today as well. I really wish there was a native iTunes for Linux.

Been refurbishing some computers for use in Contact and the community. Am trying to help local Windows experts to learn Linux. And I also want to learn how to fix Ethernet cables.

Am currently reading the first part of “C++ GUI Programming with Qt 4 (2e)” when I can find time – there always seems to be plenty to do so I'm not making as much progress as I would have liked. Hope to have the basics learnt before the 4th edition of “The C++ Programming Language” is published.

I also need to find time to resume GMing my Traveller campaign sometime soon.

Have started having salad everyday. And a banana. And have started reading the Good Housekeeping “Bumper Student Cookbook”. We'll see what happens:)

PC Angel
Is a PC expert that helps out friends with their PCs.

Linux Angel
Is a PC Angel that is prepared to learn Linux and help other people with Linux based computers.

Because I was ill with the Winter Virus, I had time on my hands while I stayed at home to stop the spread of the bug.

So I did some maintenance work on my NetBook, "hawking". I backed up files to USB memory sticks and to an external hard disc. Wiped entire hard disc, installing Ubuntu 12.10 on top of it. There are a few different things but I'm getting used to it. Strangely hawking seems a bit quicker as well.

Washing machine replaced. Luxury :)

Looking at running some Traveller games at a local Gaming Club.

I do like to use Ubuntu Linux. To help Canonical on, I have bought stuff from their website's shop in the past. Last weekend I bought some bits and pieces from their shop. Hope the money is put to good use.

Bought “Abbey Road Sessions” on CD by Kylie Minogue. Very nice.

Been to a Hearing Voices Groups Meeting in Hexham. Nice to have a change of scenery.

Got a cleaner in. Makes a big difference. Also got an Argos storage unit assembled. Thanks :)

Back to proper activities – installing the latest Ubuntu Linux on surplus PCs :)

Bad news - Washing machine problems!
Good news - Finally got an Internet link in the I.T. room!

Upgraded the Dell 700MHz's laptop hard disc to 80GB. Am currently using it to read the Free Software Foundation's manuals. In particular I'm reading the Bash manual - https://www.gnu.org/software/bash/manual/

Watched Hamlet last night – 3 hours! Amazing how many of Shakespeare's phrases have slipped into common use.

Am turning an old 700MHz Dell laptop at Contact into a Linux workstation – complete with Ubuntu and PDFs of articles ranging from software design, C++ 11, manuals for GNU software development tools and presentations from the ACCU 2012 conference (which I missed). Its only got a 9GB hard disc so I have to conserve hard disc space.

Finally got broadband and a land line! Am hoping to dabble with DSL - http://www.damnsmalllinux.org/

Have finally moved to Morpeth - after 2 years and 5 months of trying! Walked into Contact for the first time. Luxury! Still emptying boxes and sorting things out.

Dad's funeral was on Thursday in York. Zoe read the eulogy. Paula read a poem. We met up with family & friends - and friends from Oman afterwards.

Rest In Peace.

Dad passed away on Saturday night after a long struggle with prostate cancer. He will be with our Mum, sister Katy and grandparents. Its just me and Paula now.

Dad is struggling with prostate cancer. B is looking after him. P (my sister) and I are coming to terms with this.

When it comes to running Traveller games, I'm reasonably OK. I can more or less handle the rules and can ad lib where necessary. For some time I have been wanting to run role-playing games (RPGs) a little differently. Maybe a splash of character development. Or a different kind of plot. For the plot angle, I've read the Writer's Digest Books printing of Ronald B. Tobias' “20 Master Plots” and its very good. It seems to me that character and plot are linked. So before I can improve my Traveller games, we'll have to flesh out the Player Characters a bit more. I have read “45 master characters” and it's scary in parts.

Programming. I've got a direction set – master GNU make and gdb, understand the C++11 library and then study the source code in GoF's Design Patterns book. To support this studying, I bought two books – 1) The C++ Standard Library 2^nd Edition and 2) C++ Concurrency in Action. With the GNU Compiler Collection (including make, gdb, gcc) I think I've finally found a replacement for Watcom C/C++ - and its free!

PC has lent me a copy of the Good News Study Bible. It looks promising.

Getting stuff from Amazon UK. Got some USB memory sticks for staff to keep backup copies of their work. Got a replacement battery for my adopted Dell Laptop (750MHz Pentium III, 512MB RAM) but they sent the wrong battery. When things settle down I'll be back to my routine of answering phones will working my way through the book Learning Perl. Tomorrow I hope to buy a copy of Traveller Supplement 9: Campaign Guide.

At the moment I have just started recover from another splitting headache. I am going to be receiving some new glasses soon and I hope that will cure the headaches.

Bought Traveller : Campaign Guide and received a replacement copy of Secrets of the Ancients. Am gradually winding things down so I can prepare for a new Traveller campaign.

Had a massive spring clean of my house – thank you, P and P. Took a spare desk to Contact – thank you PC.

From January...

Am trying to exercise regularly. I have found that after exercise I feel better. And it reduces the urge to eat chocolate.

Have just finished re-reading Steven Johnson's “Where Good Ideas Come From – The Seven Patterns of Innovation.

Still reading - in particular "Where good ideas come from" (Steven Johnson) and "Working effectively with legacy code" and to a degree "Grails in action".

Mongoose's latest Traveller book is "Supplement 12: Dynasty". It's not restricted to aristocratic dynasties - all sorts of Dynastic Entities are catered for e.g. Conglomerate, Media Empire, Merchant Market, Military Charter, Noble Line, Religious Faith, Syndicate.

It's cold here but not too cold considering the time of year.

Merry Christmas everybody!!

Still reading. Read "Pragmatic thinking and learning". Interesting. Currently reading "The Windermann Incident", a scenario for the Mongoose Traveller game. Listening to music helps with voices as well. Been watching some Cadfael DVD episodes. It's easy to see how people can be seduced by the easy comfort of TV as opposed to the more demanding (but more rewarding) literature world.

Instead of staring into space battling with voices and visions, I'm reading more (just restarted reading fiction again - Interview with the Vampire). Am watching far less TV these days. Watched "As you like it" (Shakespeare, DVD) today and it was enjoyable.

Am now running Ubuntu 11.10 on my NetBook! It takes a bit of getting used to but, overall I like it although a tweak here or there would be helpful.

With Ubuntu came  kernel 3.0.0. Hopefully the developers will come up with a fix for the battery-draining bug soon.

A few words on films...

Jane Eyre. Chick Lit Flick. 8/10
Illustrates Jane's turbulent life. From rags to riches, she finally finds true love on her own terms.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. Brit Flick. 8/10.
A slow moving cold war spy drama. Some good acting.

I have bought a sublime blues CD - Hugh Laurie - Let them talk. According to the CD notes, Charles "Buddy" Bolden is credited as being one of the fathers of Jazz. Born in New Orleans in 1877, he succumbed to schizophrenia before he was 30.

It is time for Humanity to unite. We have an Old Testament. We have a New testament.

It is time to start work on a Modern Testament, with a view to 1) having commandments that exhort ("thou shalt be generous" etc) and 2) have a built in mechanism for reviewing and revising the Modern Testament.

He's coming home,
He's coming home,
He's coming :-
Ri***rd's coming home

:)

I am trying to enable comments on this blog.

Developing Inner/Emotional strength on top of character.

You start off in life with Inner Strength - aka Character. Then if, you are lucky, you develop one or two out of Emotional Strength or Intellectual Strength which in turn wrap themselves around Inner Strength – like vines around a pole. The inner strength is drawn from childhood experiences (nurture) and sheer luck (nature). Different people have different iKnowledgenner strengths. One everyday experience for one person, might be an epiphany for someone else.

I was temporarily introduced to the theatre and history by my paternal Grandmother. This showed me there was a lot about the world that was beyond my then current set of experiences. And it created a kernel of intellectual activity.

My parents encouraged me to learn stuff. When I was about 7 or 8 they bought “Tree of Knowledge” magazines. While I didn't understand it, it told me that there is a very big world out of there. This was helped by reading various comics – 2000AD, Commando etc. Later on, in MH the boarding school, I read someone else's copy of Look and Learn. Mainly for the cartoons.

When I was about 8 or so, my Dad started working abroad. He told me I was the man of the house and that I had to look after everyone else. I tried to do so.

In Oman (the Middle East) I used to climb mountains near my home. Nothing but camel-thorn, the bones of long dead goats and baked rocks. A bit like Wordsworth in the Lake District. I also had interests in archaeology and geology but they weren't developed. At one school I tried to attend voluntary geology classes but was asked to leave because my handwriting wasn't fast enough.

At boarding school I was showing a certain level of enterprise – for example setting up a school newspaper in N.I. But still being quite naive in my trust of other people.

Boarding School instilled the strength to carry on with normal life even when my life was falling apart. Strength comes from frequent exercise. In my case, the emotional highs and lows of holidays with my parents (leaving boarding school for the holidays – a high, returning to boarding school at the end of the holiday – a low). This was probably encouraging emotional strength by fire. For years I relied on emotional strength, later on, while working, I developed some intellectual strength.

University – buried myself in course work and running and playing Dungeons & Dragons (AD&D). When things got too much for me in the real world, I referred to it as “reality poisoning”, something I avoided by reading sci-fi books or playing AD&D.

Working after University - About £60 left to me in the 1990s by my Aunt E was spent by me in a postal book club (TSP, I think) while I was living in Berwick. I bought various books – philosophy plus Edwin de Bono's “Book of Wisdom”. This was the first time I'd been introduced to thinking about thinking (call it meta-thinking). Meta-thinking has given me the tools to realise that my thoughts have been disrupted by psychotic episodes – this is called insight. Insight can't stop the psychosis but it makes you easier to treat.

First post-graduate job – LiBRiS Computing, Berwick Upon Tweed. I used to be a bit of a Software Engineering fire brand. Simply must use source code control systems (so I wrote one myself – SCHOLAR – Source Code Held On-line Archival and Retrieval). Simply must not reinvent the wheel – so introduced the use of SCHOLAR and shared modules. And was not particularly tolerant of people who didn't share this vision. The main project I worked on was the LiBRiS (public) libaries search engine, delivering a family of search engine products, supported by a makefile and a source code control system. Other programmers worked on these systems as well so I acknowledge their work here but don't name them for privacy's sake. I left an Easter Egg in the last version of the LiBRiS search engine. Go to enter the password on the main menu and type in credits – it lists the programmers – from 1993-1999 who worked on that software.

Later on, in 2001, I came to the attention of the local NHS trust and I've been with them ever since then. I am much calmer these days and instead of writing search engines I help Contact, a local mental heath charity ( http://www.contactmorpeth.org.uk/ ) in the day to day use of its computers, the use of its internet suite. and work in the workshop where we refurbish old PCs and give them away to Contact's members. In particular we are a heavy uses of FLOSS – Free / Libre Open Source Software. See http://contactmorpeth.wikispaces.com/SoftwareToolkit Contact is given stuff that other people don't want any more. Some of the donated PCs come with obsolete versions of Windows so we've a few options 1) buy a Windows XP license – can't do that 2) scrap the PC for parts or 3) if acceptable to the end-user, install a long term version of Ubuntu Linux.

Different end-users have different needs. Regardless of whether or not we use Windows or Linux, the Software Toolkit page listed above shows we can provide the software at no cost to the end-user.

Still doing computer stuff. Trying to get an old PC working again instead of scrapping it. Looking for a way to use an ipod with Ubuntu Linux - apparently the smart money is on Banshee.

I have scrounged an old PC from Contact - bought some replacement hard disks for it from Joe's. I like it. Have christened it "berners-lee".

Still playing Traveller. Currently running a 10-parter campaign and its quite a demanding commitment.

My life is like Java - the garbage collection is slow :) I've been tidying up the PC workshop, giving away unwanted stuff, been tidying up my house, likewise.

I recently found out a friend from Otterburn ward died recently. My sympathies to her family. They will be playing Radiohead in heaven tonight.

Adopting F/OSS
Here's a thought about the adoption of Free/Open Source software from a Gandhi quote:-

First they ignore you
Then they laugh at you
Then they fight you
Then you win.

Progress
After a lot of effort, I'm getting my concentration back. I still have to pace myself, I still have to sleep a lot. But it is a start.

3rd June 2010

Learning programming languages.

In some job interviews, the candidate is asked “given a rating from 1 to 10, how do you rate yourself given that Bjarne Stroustrup is a 10?”

Here is a breakdown of that scale:-

0 No knowledge

1-3 Novice

1 Done a “Hello World” program from a magazine/web site article.

2 Novice/Tourist – relies on “phrase books” (e.g. O'Reilly's books).

3 Novice – less reliant on books.

4-6 Practised

4 Gaining confidence – books / man pages used for reference.

5 Average – knows the ins and outs of the language/topic.

6 Fluent – above average, becoming an expert.

7-9 Expert.

7 Expert.

8 Lead Programmer.

9 Mentor.

10 Guru. (e.g Bjarne Stroustrup for C++).

Am learning Perl – an old language but a good language to know when doing Systems Administration on Linux systems. At the moment I'm a 3, going on 4.

Role Playing Games.

Traveller books are my self-indulgence at the moment. I'm not running Traveller games at the moment but I hope to do so once I've eventually moved house...

Moving house.

Want to move house but its pretty much a work in progress.

Contact.

Still working on the PC refurbishment project. Most people only know how to use a variant of Microsoft Windows. Am increasingly coming to the belief we should be using Ubuntu Linux instead of Microsoft Windows.

Nintendo DSi

The Nintendo DSi's camera is being helpful as I can show people different parts of my life. The DSi itself is really good. I bought a second hand copy of “Travel Games for Dummies (Sudoku / Solitaire / Chess)” with practice modes and help as well as the games themselves.

I'm still running a Traveller RPG. Just finished one campaign book - Project Steel. We're quite short of players.

I bought a new Traveller universe / supplement book and a campaign book. Its the "Judge Dredd" RPG which builds on top of the Traveller core rules. And the adventure book is "Bad moon rising".

On the computing side, my (7 year old) PC started developing reliability problems. I thought the motherboard was going. Someone from the LUG recommended checking to see if everything that should be firmly plugged in, is firmly plugged in. The network card wasn't in properly. Fixing that seems to have fixed that problem. I use Windows XP to run the itunes software. I use Ubuntu 8.10 the rest of the time. Ubuntu is much more efficient than Windows XP - its easy to say that but look at it this way:- if I was only using Windows XP, I would have had to completely replace the hardware by now.

After much humming and hawing I eventually bought a Samsung NC10 netbook from Argos. I use Ubuntu Net Book Remix on the NC10, mainly for wordprocessing to support my Traveller stuff.

Right now America is arguing over health care reforms. Some of the opinions voiced criticise the NHS.

Well, as a long time user of the NHS I would like to state that while the NHS isn't perfect, I would rather be an NHS patient than a patient in America.

Unsuccessful slogan from the 1990's:-

Go to work on an egg-head.


Unsuccessful love poem from the 1990's:-

Men are from Mars
Women are from Venus
We could have had the stars
But fate came between us

Today, after months of preparation, I ran a game of Traveller using a pre-release of "Book 2 : Prison Planet". It is quite an achievement to get my thought processes going - enough to run a RPG.

Thanks to changes at Contact, I am about to become a (volunteer) Linux Systems Administrator.

2008 was the year of the Babylon 5 : A Call To Arms tabletop wargame.

Been learning a programming language - Haskell - Quite Interesting.

I hope 2009 will the the year of Traveller, a science fiction Role Playing Game (RPG)

I am no longer a vegetarian - limited diet, too much cheese and sauces.

New Year's resolution - eat properly, exercise more.

We'll see what happens.

Google.
Still having problems with Google’s front end to blogs. Think I’ve worked it out for this post.

Cognitive function.
I’ve noticed that compared to some people that my thinking isn’t as rigorous as it could be. This has been going on for a good year or so. I’ve been referred to a specialized clinical psychologist. She interviewed me once a week for three weeks and then produced a report about my thinking skills. I’m now working with my main clinical psychologist to discuss and react to the report.

As an attempt to get some thing going, I’ve bought a Nintendo DS Lite with a copy of “more brain training”. Its proving to be quite addictive. And my thinking seems a little clearer these days.

Fun stuff – Babylon 5 style.
For years now, me and a social worker (call them ASW_RPG for now :) have been knocking around the idea of running roleplaying games. Nothing much came of it. Then I bought some Babylon 5 (B5) RPG (Role Playing Game) stuff along with the core rules for the B5 wargame. We’re going to play it at Morpeth Gaming Club, at the hospital

On closer examination, it is less demanding to play a wargame than it is to run a RPG. Later on, ASW_RPG and I may play the RPG. I’m getting hold of the gaming books and, hopefully one day I will have enough concentration to run a RPG.

I've had a bit of trouble updating my blog, now that Google has taken over. We'll see how well this turns out.

Anyway, take a look at the history site of St George's Park, http://www.stgeorgeshistory.org.uk/site/ - it is quite revealing

Back in the 1980's I had (an almost workstation class computer) called a Sinclair QL. It could multitask (via an operating system called QDOS, later on superseded by Minerva by QView), network and came with a set of free, bundled business applications (the Psion Xchange) had a vibrant user group (Quanta) which had a regular newsletter, a vast library of software available to Quanta members for free.

It took a while (about a 15 years) but I have finally replaced my QL stuff. These days I use Linux, OpenOffice, read Linux Format (and I've started reading some of the tutorials and typing in examples into my PC) and am a member of a local Linux User Group (LUG). I've decided that 2007 is going to be the year in which I learn the OpenOffice suite - get to grips with fancy formatting in Write - maybe even get mailmerge going, get used to Calc and learn some of the commands that are now common in spreadsheets since I learnt Abacus and learn how to do databases in OOo Base.

Emotions.
I didn't realise this until recently but... when you're not too hot emotionally, it can impair your ability to do things and think things through.

Pixies.
I've been put on Risperidone to get over a rough patch. It turns me into a pixie:)

Literature - the opiate of the intellectual.

When I was 20 and going through relatively minor, undetected, psychotic episodes while working at Grand Metropolitan Brewing (Systems), my coping mechanisms were 1) reading and 2) running Dungeons and Dragons games based in the World Of Greyhawk and 3) computing on a 68008 based computer, the Sinclair QL. At weekends, isolated and hundreds of miles away from my family, I would bury myself in my books, writing and computing. Some weekends I would read two novels in a weekend.

Losing and regaining intellect.
2001 saw me at the height of my programming abilities. I was making good progress in learning things that were new to me – C++, STL, generics, ODBC, VCL and the sky (or at least Boost) seemed the limit. I'd been a C++ design geek for some time – reading books and asking questions about what was not only what the language features were but also how to deploy them. So I was well placed to start using C++. About April 2001 saw the beginning of what is either the end or a major power cut in my programming career. I was made redundant and within weeks I was admitted into a psychiatric Hospital with a major psychotic episode. At the time I figured I was safe from those people who had conspired against me and that no-one would look for me in a psychiatric hospital – I was safe. I was put on anti-psychotic medication (Olanzapine)

Do you remember the Jack Nicholson character at the end of the film, “One flew over the cuckoo's nest”? Well, that was me in 2002. A cocktail of medication, schizophrenia and lack of intellectual stimulation meant my intellectual abilities took a nose-dive. Since about 2003 I've been working to regain my intellect. It started with small steps, while on rehab (East Loan) – reading the Daily Mirror, reading Bridget Jones' The Edge of Reason (in about 3 months). I've taken to frequenting local libraries, reading New Scientist, Scientific American, The Economist in the journals section. And I've been reading books and, on occasion, reviewing books. Thanks to New Scientist, Scientific American and some library books, I've got a rough recipe for genius:-

1% inspiration
15% Mentorship
4% Lifestyle (good rest, diet, pacing, planning)
80% perspiration

Thanks to my concerted efforts, I now have the reading capacities I had as when I was 21 years old. That's an encouraging milestone. But there's more to come. I've got to regain my programming abilities by learning new tools. I'm going for a Linux based approach because 1) lots of new things happen there and 2) its cheap. If I can work with the Linux stuff, I can work on the proprietary stuff at a later date. There's a new version of C++ due out before 2010. I want to regain my abilities by then, possibly by working on free/open source software projects and building up a portfolio of work.

A city at war
Schizophrenia is like being a city at war. No matter what hangs in your art galleries, no matter what is debated in your universities, a well aimed bomb (schizophrenia) can bomb you back to the stone age.

Christianity and Science
Some of my friends are scientists, some of them are Christians. Will the two ever reconcile their differences? Taking the science thing further, take a look at
Scientific American Mind I have a courtesy copy of it and have already used it in my fight with schizophrenia.

Conditioning
I am continually striving to get my concentration back. I have discovered that certain environments (like a library) can make it easier to concentrate.

Anniversary
I have been discharged from hospital for two years.

Contact project
I started a project at Contact where we take in surplus computer equipment and pass it on to in-patients, out-patients and their carers.

Holiday
Been to Windermere for a short camping break with the outreach team. It was good to go back to old haunts.

Stigma and lazy reporters
If a person "with a mental health problem" attacks someone, a few things aren't disclosed by the media. 1) They don't say *what* kind of problem they have and 2) quite often the person has not been taking medication for months, they haven't been keeping up with appointments and they haven't been seen by caring staff for months, either.

I'm working hard to avoid DFCFing (Departing From Controlled Flight). People see a thoughtful, rational person but, like when watching a swan glide by, they are unable to see the webbed feet paddling frantically away.